


Drift

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Glee
Genre: Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Canon Disabled Character, Character Death, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multiple Endings, Referenced prostitution, The Drift (Pacific Rim), in case you're worried about triggers, the postitution and the sexual content and the child abuse have NOTHING to do with each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:24:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1982916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sartie Pacific Rim AU- You can choose the original ending or the fluffy ending</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When this story was originally written, the Glee fandom was going through a sad time, so I wrote two different endings. The original ending (chapter 2), is angst and contains major character death. It's how I end the story. The fluff ending (chapter 3) is pure fluff and cheesiness, but it was purposefully written that way.

            The first time Sam sees his future copilot, he naturally assumes he’s a scientist.  Thin framed and wearing dorky glasses, the man is clearly a scientist or else an administrator of some kind.   Considering his confident demeanor, definitely an administrator.

            “Artie Abrams, it’s nice to meet you,” the man says, sticking his gloved hand up at him.

            “Sam Evans, same,” Sam replies, shaking his hand firmly. 

            “So, you’re here to maybe get a chance to ride in one of these babies, right?”  Artie looks at the jaegers around them fondly.

            “That’s the hope!  I’ve been training and training, and I think it’s going to pay off,” Sam replies excitedly.  He knows there are way more hopefuls than jaegers, but he’s scored surprisingly well on his tests. 

            Artie scrutinizes him, looking him up and down, and Sam almost feels naked.  “It just might,” he says cryptically before pushing himself away and towards one of the jaegers. 

            Sam lets himself be led over to his quarters and doesn’t think twice about the encounter. 

* * *

 

            That is, until he reports with all the other hopefuls for the sparring matches that help determine drift compatibility.  Artie is there, dressed in light clothing with his sparring stick set on his lap as he surveys the group. 

            “By now, I’m sure you know how this works.  The algorithms said you guys might be compatible with me, and now it’s time to test it out,” Artie picks up his stick and challenges the first person in line.

            To the surprise of Sam, and everyone else, Artie knocks down and has his stick at the first recruit’s throat in ten seconds flat.  It goes like that for a while, Artie knocking down challengers- sometimes it takes longer than ten seconds, but they always fall- until Artie calls a halt to the proceedings, popping a wheelie and looking incredibly bored.

            “Look, you know I have full faith in your algorithms and everything- I did help write them after all- but I don’t think there’s anyone here,” Artie says to the woman in charge.

            The woman sighs and nods her head, but Sam is upset.  He hasn’t gotten his shot, and it could be ages until he gets another.

            “No,” he says, surprising himself as much as everyone else.  “You haven’t tested all of us.  Let’s go.”  He’s watched Artie fight for a while now, and he thinks he gets it. 

            Artie gives him that scrutinizing look again, but he nods his assent.  “Bring it, yo.”

            Sam steps into the ring, approaching Artie cautiously.  That’s one part of Artie’s strategy: let the opponent bring the fight to you.  He bats at Artie a few times and Artie bats him away idly, looking at him as if to question why he was wasting his time.   Fine, if that’s how Artie wants it, that’s how Artie’ll get it.  Sam starts attacking in earnest, and soon he starts almost landing blows.  Absently, he notices that Artie’s got an excited look in his eye as he parries and thrusts back at Sam. 

            Every time Sam tries to slip behind Artie for that winning blow, Artie manages to turn his wheelchair around to meet his blows, and even with one hand on his wheel, Artie is more than strong enough to block him.  Eventually, Artie manages to sweep Sam’s feet out from under him and lunges out of his chair to deliver the final blow.  Sam just manages to block in time for their sticks to get wedged between them both, effectively making their duel a tie.

            Sam is exhausted, lying underneath Artie, but Artie is clearly exhilarated, breathing heavily as they make eye contact.  After a few seconds, Artie looks up at the marshal, still grinning.  “I’ve found my copilot!”  Artie rolls off Sam, pulling himself back over to his wheelchair.  “That is the best fight I’ve had in years!”  Once he’s situated in his chair again, he leans over to give Sam a hand up.

            Sam takes the hand, grateful for his help because he is sore.  “Really?  I made it?” he asks, not wanting to get ahead of himself. 

            “Oh yes, Sammy, you and me are going places.  But I need a shower first,” Artie says, turning around and pushing himself through the hopefuls whose hopes had just been dashed.  Sam, unsure what to do now, follows. 

            When they reach Artie’s quarters, Artie turns around, raising an eyebrow.  “You hoping for a free show?”

            Sam blushes and shakes his head.  “No, I’m just… not sure what comes next.  Do we talk?  Do we wait until we drift?   And I thought you might know.”  Artie had obviously done this before, and training was different from reality.  It felt different knowing that it was going to be real.

            Artie takes his shirt off and Sam can’t help but notice how finely muscled he is.  “You didn’t pay too much attention in history class, did you?”  Sam shakes his head; the more academic parts of his training weren’t his strong suit.  “Well, you wanna talk?  I’m Arthur Tyrone Abrams, Sammy boy.  Started flying jaegers at age fourteen- the youngest pilot ever.  I had such extraordinary compatibility with my mom that we couldn’t wait.  The kaiju were coming too quick for that, and at the time there was no algorithm for matching up strangers.  We fought, and we won.  Until we didn’t,” Artie shrugs and gets to work on his belt buckle. 

            That jogs a few half remembered memories from classes.  “They said your legs got torn off.”  That was probably not what Sam was supposed to say to that at all, but he definitely remembers that his legs got torn off.

            Artie pushes his pants down and Sam can see very clearly that Artie’s got his legs.  “The jaeger lost her legs.  It was in the middle of an experiment to try and increase the efficiency of the system, and it severed my spine.” 

            “You’re very open,” Sam comments, talking about Artie’s stripping as much as how he’s basically spilling his life story. 

            “We’re going to be in each other’s heads soon.  If this works out, we’ll know every bit of each other,” Artie shimmies out of his underwear, leaving him completely naked and lounging in his chair.  “There’s not much point in being modest.  I trust you implicitly.”

            Sam swallows hard and tries to ignore how he’s starting to get hard.  Artie is incredibly sexy and Sam is suddenly very sexually frustrated.  “So it’s really like that?  You really get that deep?” 

            “Damn straight.  Unless we’re wrong about how compatible we are, in which case things will end before they get more serious,” Artie says.

            Working very hard to keep his eyes on Artie’s face, Sam nods.  “I’ll keep that in mind,” Sam says, backing out of the room slowly. 

            “Does that scare you?  Being in so deep?” Artie asks, getting into the shower.

            In truth, Sam is incredibly scared, but he’s not going to show it yet.  “It’s what I signed up for, after all.  And… I trust you implicitly too,” Sam says, and that is the honest truth. 

            Artie chuckles a little and nods.  “See you tomorrow.”

* * *

 

            Sam is feeling incredibly anxious the next morning, but he’s even more excited.  He’s finally going to really and truly drift. 

            It’s a weird feeling, getting into the divesuit and feeling the neural spike enter his brain.  Still going over everything he had learned in training, he smiles at Artie when he sees him similarly decked out. 

            They enter the control pod together.  Artie locks his wheelchair in what appears to be a specialized dock.  “I designed a lot of this myself.”  Artie transfers into another chair, straps himself in, and it raises up so he’s almost in a standing position.  “It’s pretty cool, if I do say so myself.”  Then the machinery begins to attach itself to the both of them.  Artie flashes him a smile before things really begin.

            When they merge, Sam sees things familiar and unfamiliar flash by him before he can even fully process them.  Sam does his best to let things flick past him, but then he sees two flashes of blonde hair and he’s sucked in.  He can hear Artie yelling at him, but suddenly he’s back on the family farm chasing after his siblings.  Sam sends them back inside before driving into town and then he flashes a few hours later when he returns home to find his house covered in kaiju acid.  Before he can reach the end of the memory, he’s jerked back to his body.

            “You can’t do that, Sam,” Artie admonishes, looking at him sadly.  “You’ve got to let the flashes pass you by, no matter what.”

            Sam realizes that there are tears in his eyes that he can’t really wipe away.  “You saw all that?”

            “Yep,” Artie says.  “Every bit of it.  Do you want to try again or give it a rest for now?”

            “Again.”

            This time when they merge, Sam knows what to expect, and it’s easier to see the blonde flashes and let them go on by.  It’s also easier to see flashes of Artie’s life and let them go, too, as much as Sam wants to see them.  There’s a weird jolt inside of him when he finds himself hovering over a naked woman, and another jolt when he wakes up in a hospital he’s never been in, with no sensation in places where Sam has always had sensation.

            Soon, he can feel Artie’s mind brushing up against his and the jaeger around them both.  He moves his hand and feels the jaeger reply, and then he feels it reply to Artie’s mind, and it feels almost as natural as when it replies to his own. 

            _We’re doing it!  We’re doing it!_

**Chill out, Sammy boy.  Don’t get too over excited or else it could overwhelm us both**

_I can feel your excitement too, Artie.  It’s right up against mine_

**…Fine, I’m excited too**

**_We’re going to kick some ass_**

Some kind of mental high five takes place, and they’re walking along the ocean floor before Sam even realizes they had left the shatterdome. 

            _This is incredible._

But incredible turns to terrifying when the shatterdome informs them there had been an event at the breach.  A Category III Kaiju had made it through the breach.

            **_Can we do this oh yes we’re going to do this_**

And they do.  Artie has far more practical experience with fighting kaiju, but Sam figures out that he can draw on his copilot’s instincts to help reinforce his own.  They move in perfect synch to quickly dismantle the kaiju, removing limbs and the tail before eventually tearing its head off to finish it. 

            **You’re a natural, Sammy.  Like… wow.**

Sam doesn’t have anything to say to that, but he knows that Artie can feel the glow of pride he feels.  Sam is so rarely a natural at anything, but apparently he is at saving the world. 

            _I didn’t realizing drifting would feel that natural.  I thought it would be so much harder, especially once it came to actually fighting._

            For a brief second, he thinks he can feel some distress from Artie through their bond, but they disengage before Sam can make heads or tails of it.  When they get out of the pod, Artie pushes himself away from Sam before he can say a word.

* * *

 

            Artie’s distress sticks in Sam’s brain, which is feeling a little weird post-drift anyway, so he knocks on Artie’s door a few hours later.  “Hey, Artie, open up.”  Artie opens the door, fully clothed, and for the first time, Sam has no inkling about what is going through Artie’s head as Artie looks up at him blankly.  Sam follows him into his room and leans against the counter, since there’s no place to sit other than Artie’s lap or his bed.  “We drifted, carried out the mission, and you said I was a natural.  What’s wrong?”

            “Nothing.”

            “Artie.”

            “Sammy boy,” Artie wavers and sighs.  “We drifted really, really well.”

            “I’m not following.”  Wasn’t that a good thing?

            “It’s complicated,” Artie’s pacing as much as he can in the confined space, and it’s making Sam anxious, so he gets in front of him and squats down. 

            “In each other’s heads, remember?  This is all complicated,” Sam says.

            Artie refuses to make eye contact as he talks.  “We weren’t supposed to be quite so drift compatible.  This was… too easy to fall into.  The mission my spine broke, my mom died.  I felt my mom _die_.  She was there in my head and then she was in pain and then she was gone and I was alone.  I don’t want to feel that again.  The better we drift, the worse it’ll be if something happens.  And things happen.”

            Sam’s lost for a second.  There’s no guarantee Sam can make- their work is dangerous and their lives are in danger almost constantly- and Sam can’t relate to what he’s dealt with.  They didn’t hit that memory.  “I don’t know what you felt, but we have to.do this.  The Force is strong in us, and we have to take advantage of it.”

            Artie breaks out into a grin.  “Did you just Star Wars me?” 

            Sam nods, more than a little embarrassed.  “They’ve always been my favorite.”

            “Let’s have a marathon.  I’ve got them all here, and short of a disaster, we’ve got nothing better to do.”  Artie pulls his computer out of his bag and gestures for Sam to get up on the bed.

            Sam sits down on bed, and Artie climbs into his lap, putting his computer on a shelf he pulls out of the wall.  They’re closer than Sam was expecting, but he’s surprised to find he doesn’t mind.  Without thinking about it, he rests his cheek on the top of Artie’s head just as Artie’s hand slips into his own.  He smiles when he realizes that Artie is reciting the opening lines of the movie.

* * *

 

            The next time they drift, things feel different.  Sam gets hints of feelings from Artie that don’t make complete sense, and for some reason it feels like all of the memories that Artie’s brain sends his way involve Artie dating or Artie having sex with some beautiful person.  It’s infuriating and it makes him want to get out, but he lets his mind fly over them until they reach that beautiful mind space again.

**Sam, what’s wrong?**

_N-_

**I’m literally in your brain, you can’t say nothing.  Don’t even try to lie to someone in your head.**

_None of your business then._

Sam feels Artie recoil a little bit.  A few minutes later, Artie’s consciousness seems to brighten, and Sam gets a flash of himself through Artie’s eyes.  Tall and strong and handsome.  Funny and witty and good.  All kinds of nice things.

**You’re wonderful, Sammy.**

Sam realizes that Artie must have felt his insecurity and not his weird jealous feelings, and he just barely manages to keep that realization to himself.  He sends Artie warm feelings of thanks and tries to keep himself focused on the drills they’re supposed to be running.

* * *

 

            The next few times they drift, it’s easier.  Artie’s brain doesn’t throw images that make Sam upset, and Sam is thankful for that. 

            The more they drift, though, the more Sam misses Artie in his head when he’s not there.  It isn’t like he’s suddenly incomplete or anything like that.  He’s still Sam Evans, and he’s still a whole complete being to himself.  But it’s nice having someone else there, which is odd to Sam.  He had never anticipating liking that aspect of it so much.

            So he is pleased when Artie is at his door at one in the morning, knocking hard.  He’s less pleased at how ragged Artie looks.

            “Sammy, will you come back to my room with me?  I’d ask to stay here, but mine is bigger, and the bathroom is accessible and I don’t want to have to wheel hard across the shatterdome to take a pee,” Artie sounds a little delirious from lack of sleep, so Sam just nods and follows Artie, totally forgetting things like shoes or a shirt.

            “Are you okay?” Sam asks once they’re safely in Artie’s quarters.

            “Just tired and sad and some nights the silence is too loud,” Artie transfers into bed, and Sam gets in with him because he can feel that’s where he’s supposed to go.  They might not actually be in each other’s heads right then, but Sam can now read Artie better than he’s ever been able to read anyone.  And so he settles in between Artie and the wall, wrapping his arms around the other man and holding him close.  Artie settles his head on Sam’s chest and Sam can feel him smile.  “Silly Sammy forgot his shirt.  ‘Sokay, you’ve got a nice chest.”

            Sam laughs a little and strokes Artie’s hair.  “Thanks, Artie.  You’ve got a nice…”  he trails off, trying to come up with an ending to that sentence other than “everything,” but he doesn’t have to because he hears Artie start to snore.  “…everything.”

* * *

 

            While Sam (and anyone with an ounce of intelligence, in Sam’s opinion) can tell that Artie is a talented jaeger pilot, some of the people who envy his position are less observant.  Generally, Sam follows Artie’s example and ignores them.  They spend most of their time together anyway, and Sam knows that Artie doesn’t like confrontation.

            But one time Artie accidentally messes up a basic move while they’re fighting a kaiju, and while they recover quickly enough, Sam can tell Artie is discouraged.  It gets worse when they exit their pod.  One of the rudest people falls in line behind them.

            “Not today Azimo,” Sam says, grabbing the handles of Artie’s chair and pushing them along.

            “What?  Are you upset because McCripple has stumbled again?” he taunts, situating himself between them and where they need to go.

            “Get out of our way,” Artie says firmly.  Sam can catch the anger in his voice. 

            “Like you could do anything to make me,” Azimo sneers.

            And the thing is, Artie could.  Artie could punch him where the sun don’t shine and go from there.  Sam is well aware of that.  He knows that Artie doesn’t need him to defend him, verbally or physically.  But God, all Sam wants to do is wipe that smirk off Azimo’s face with his fist, so he does.  Azimo looks shocked, but reacts quickly enough to shove Sam into the wall and punch him right back.

            Sam struggles but he knows that Azimo is going to get another hit or two in before he can get free.  That is, until Artie rams himself head first into Azimo.  It unbalances him enough that Artie can shove him over onto the ground.  “Don’t you _ever_ touch him again,” Artie sounds dark and dangerous and even part of Sam is scared.

            Artie grabs Sam and gently pushes him ahead of him.  Sam knows they’re going back to Artie’s room, so he leads them there and settles on his bed.  Visibly angry, Artie grabs ice from the freezer and wraps it in a towel.   “Sammy…” he presses it gently against Sam’s face, where Sam can already feel it start to swell. 

            “I know, I know.  I shouldn’t have done anything,” Sam sighs and closes his eyes, appreciating the coolness.  “Thanks for saving my face, though.”  Artie removes the ice for a second and runs his fingers over the sore spot.  That feels better.

            “Damn, this is definitely going to be a black eye.  And of course.  Couldn’t let anything happen to your pretty face.  I wish I had been a little quicker.”  Artie nudges Sam and Sam lays down.  Sam feels the bed shift as Artie transfers onto the bed and snuggles next to him.  Once Artie has settled in next to him, Artie replaces the ice and Sam wraps his arms around him, eyes still closed.

            “You were quick enough,” Sam assures him.  “And it was my fault you even had to be quick.”

            “Not yours.  His.  Theirs,” Artie still sounds pissed until he says.  “Mine.”

            Sam opens his eyes immediately, and fuck, Artie looks gorgeous leaning over him, even if he does look distraught.  “Never, ever yours, Artie.” 

            Artie smiles sadly at him.  “Okay.”

            Sam suddenly realizes that he wants to kiss Artie.  Okay, it isn’t really a new realization, but now he knows he wants to kiss Artie more than he’s ever wanted to kiss anyone else ever, and that’s kinda a big deal.  He doesn’t kiss Artie, though, because something about the timing feels just off.

            They fall asleep soon, but they wake up only a few hours later when the ice has melted over Sam.  It is cold and it is uncomfortable, so Sam shivers and mock complains.  Artie takes his complaints very seriously, and he begins to remake the bed before Sam has a chance to stop him (okay, Sam could have stopped him, but he’s drowsy and sleepy and sitting on the floor and watching Artie move is such a delight.  The man has a nice body.). 

            “You’re very nice looking.  I like looking at you,” Sam mutters, too tired to remember to filter what he says.  Artie stills.  “I like the cute little scrunchy face you make when you’re confused or when you’re thinking really hard.  I think sometimes about how nice it’d be to kiss you right then.  Unless you were thinking something extra important because I wouldn’t want to interrupt.  You have a lot of important thoughts.” 

            “Sounds like someone is delirious with tiredness,” Artie says in a strained voice.  He finishes the bed, and then hauls Sam up and guides him back to bed. 

            “No, no, no, Artie, it’s true.  Even when I’m not tired,” Sam protests as he lies back down.

            “Okay, Sammy boy,” Artie soothes as he snuggles up with Sam again.  “Go back to sleep.”

            Sam can just tell that Artie doesn’t believe him, and he wants to argue more, but he is so tired and Artie is so warm that he falls asleep before he can think about it.

            The next morning, Sam wakes up and prays to God that the night before was a dream.   But the sheets have obviously been changed, so he starts praying that Artie will have forgotten what he said when he wakes up.

            Clearly, this is not a lucky day for Sam, as when Artie wakes up he looks at Sam but doesn’t say anything.  He almost looks fearful, which makes Sam sad.  Was the thought of kissing him that terrible?  Sure, his lips were big and his body wasn’t as nice as it could be, but surely there were worse fates than that.

            “You don’t have to worry about me jumping you or anything,” Sam says, sitting up.  “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.  I was just really, really tired last night, so I forgot about things like filtering what I said and common courtesy and-“

            Artie presses his lips to Sam’s and threads his fingers through his hair.  It’s much better than Sam could have expected, and when Artie pulls back, Sam is breathless.

            “I’m totally down with you jumping me whenever you want,” Artie says, shifting a little bit.  “Because damn, you’ve got the most kissable lips I have ever seen, and I have been thinking about jumping _you_ for a while.  Only if you wanted to be jumped of course.  Which, it kind of seems you’d be good with?  I’m going to shut up now.”

            “Yeah, I am definitely good with that,” Sam says, smiling widely.  He leans in to kiss Artie again, letting his hands wander Artie’s body a little, wanting to feel him in a whole new way.  “Is it okay if I take off your shirt?” 

            “Always such a gentleman,” Artie murmurs, moving his lips to Sam’s neck.  “In a second.”  He pushes Sam to lay down again as he sucks on his neck.

            “Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be longer than a second?”  Sam says.

            “Because you know just how I think.  Any objections?  Because of course, I’ll stop if you want me to,” Artie says.

            “No objections,” Sam replies.

            Artie runs his hand down Sam’s body slowly and slips his hand into Sam’s pants as he sucks on Sam’s neck.  Sam moans in pleasure as Artie strokes him to full hardness.  Suddenly, Artie’s lips are gone from his neck and he’s positioned between Sam’s legs and is pulling his shorts and underwear down.  “You have no idea how long I have thought about doing this.”

            Terribly slowly, Artie runs his tongue up Sam’s shaft.  Still moving slowly, Artie takes the head of Sam’s dick into his mouth and sucks slowly.  After a minute or two, Artie stops and pulls off to look up at Sam.  “You are even more delicious than I thought you would be,” Artie says, going back to sucking on Sam’s dick.  The wet heat of his mouth feels amazing and Sam is pretty sure that he could cum from the intensity of Artie’s stare alone.  Artie only takes his eyes off Sam’s when his face is pressed up against Sam’s belly. 

            Despite the fact that Sam is insanely sexually frustrated (and that this is the first blowjob he’s received), he can’t quite reach orgasm because Artie is bobbing his head so damn slowly.  Sam certainly isn’t about to complain, though, because he can’t remember ever feeling so good.  After what feels like an eternity, Artie begins moving faster, working Sam over with his tongue.  Sam can feel himself getting closer to cumming, and when he calls out to warn Artie, it just makes him move faster until Sam is shooting his load down Artie’s throat.  Artie swallows eagerly and then sits up, licking his lips happily.

            “Fuck, Artie, that was amazing.  I’ve never felt anything that good before,” Sam says softly, running his thumb along Artie’s slightly swollen lips.  “And don’t forget to take your shirt off!”

            Artie grins at him widely as if Sam has given him some huge compliment.  “Really?  I figured you would have had way better,” he says, stripping for Sam and Sam can see the hardness in Artie’s pants.

            “You’re the first person to give me a blowjob.  I’ve given, but never gotten,” Sam says, feeling a little embarrassed.  He knows that Artie has to have at least some inkling about how he paid for the ranger academy, but he doesn’t know how much Artie has put together. 

            Artie smiles wanly, but Sam detects some anger there.  He’s worried that Artie is angry at him for what he’s done.  “But don’t worry, I’m totally good with giving you a blowjob in return.  It didn’t, like, scar me or anything.”

            That only seems to make Artie angrier.  “I didn’t suck you off so you’d do the same!  I wanted to make you feel good because I’m attracted to you and I care about you.  I wanted to, and I don’t want you to do anything with me if you’re only doing it because you feel _obligated_ ,” Artie gets out of bed before Sam figures out what’s happened.  The emotional whiplash is too much for Sam to figure out how to explain that that isn’t what he meant at all.  Artie’s about to push himself out the door, but he stops shaking his head.  “Wait, this is my room, you’re the one who has to leave.  Get out!”

            Sam gets up, feeling slightly dazed, and only barely remembers to pull his pants up before stumbling out the door.  He makes it back to his room before he breaks down in stunned tears.

* * *

 

            They avoid each other for the next few days.  It’s terrible to not be around the person you trust most, and Sam does not enjoy it.  Mostly he tries to figure out how to explain to Artie that he wants to be with Artie, genuinely. 

            Unfortunately, the kaiju don’t work on Sam’s schedule, so a week later, they need to get it together enough to fight off another monster. 

            When the drift is activated, Sam can feel Artie latch on to the memories that are coming to the surface almost immediately, and he brings Sam with him.  Sam watches as Artie rolls in on one of the girls that Sam was so jealous of having sex with another girl on his bed.  In another memory, Sam sees another one of the girls leaving with another pilot.  Sam can feel the utter worthlessness and despair that Artie feels when he’s reliving these memories.

            **You’re going to leave.  Everyone always finds someone better.  We drift and we fight but in the end they want someone whole.  If you already don’t even really want me at all how long until you leave me? I don’t want you to leave.**

Sam can tell that it isn’t entirely voluntary, what Artie is telling him.  He wants to reach over to hold Artie’s hand, but of course that’s impossible.

            _I’m not leaving you.  It was a dumb way to tell you that I was ready, that I want you, that I wouldn’t be held back by things I am ashamed of.  I didn’t think about how it sounded.  I’m here for the long haul._

            Sam does his best to send Artie exactly how he feels about him.  How Artie makes him laugh and how he makes him feel like he’s special, and how having Artie in his head is like having the most wonderful kind of music playing. 

            **You… you’re incredible.  I’m sorry I overreacted.  I should have let you talk.**

_It’s okay.  As long as you believe me._

**I do.**

**_Back to our room after kicking some kaiju ass?  Hell yes._**

The exchange takes only a few seconds thanks to the drift, and then they’re ready to decimate.

            It’s a Category IV, so it’s difficult and there are a few close calls.  They get tossed around a lot, and for just a moment, pinned down and with acid flying at them, Sam worries if it’s their end.  They manage to get free and vanquish it, just barely, and then they’re being flown back to the shatterdome.

            Artie looks up at him once they’ve got their suits off, and Sam can see the same fear there that he himself was feeling earlier.  Wordlessly, they end up in Artie’s room as usual.  Artie slides his hand up Sam’s shirt and traces designs against his skin.  It isn’t particularly sexual; they just always both appreciate the nearness after a particularly nervewracking fight.  Eventually they shift around so Artie is holding him closely.  Sam realizes that it’s kind of dumb; Artie is way smaller than him, and thus should be the little spoon, but some nights Sam needs the comfort of his copilot’s arms around him.  Artie hums softly until Sam falls asleep, which is exactly what Sam needs: a little extra reminder that Artie is present.

            The next morning, Artie kisses him firmly when they wake up.  Sam is excited that he’s finally going to get to make Artie feel good.  They start off slowly, just making out with Artie on top of him, pressing him down comfortingly.  Sam runs his hands through Artie’s hair as they kiss, more than happy that they’re taking his time. 

            After a while, Sam gets them both out of their shirts and flips them so he’s on top.  “You’re really gorgeous, you know that?”  Sam says as he starts kissing and sucking along Artie’s collarbones.  “Like, seriously, Artie.”  He’d known he was attracted to Artie since that time Artie had stripped for him, but Artie is even more attractive now that he’s up close and personal. 

            Artie starts blushing, and Sam watches as the blush spreads from his face down to his chest.  It’s cute, but Sam is a little surprised that Artie seems so shy considering he had done this many times before.  Sam keeps kissing his way down Artie’s body, though, and when he reaches his underwear Sam pulls them all the way down and drops them on the floor.

            Sam sits up as he starts stroking Artie to full hardness.  He wants to get to see Artie while he’s being pleasured, but to his surprise and dismay, Artie looks worried and nervous.  As soon as he notices, Sam stops what he’s doing.  “Are you okay?  If you’re uncomfortable, we can stop,” he says. 

            “You’re just so sweet, and I don’t want you to be disappointed with me.  I know you said you wanted me, but now that we’re really doing it… your thoughts might change.  It sucks hearing that, okay?” Artie explains.

            “I’m not going to be disappointed, Artie, I’m really not, and I’m not being sweet when I tell you you’re gorgeous.  It’s how I really feel.  Implicit trust, remember?  Plus, well,”  Sam looks down at himself.  “If I didn’t really find you attractive, I don’t think I would be hard already.”

            Artie laughs a little.  “I guess you’re right.  Thanks again, Sammy.”

            “So you want me to keep going?” Sam wants to be sure.

            When Artie nods and smiles at him, looking much happier than he was, Sam grins and settles himself between Artie’s legs.  Sam slowly begins to take Artie’s cock into his mouth.  The noises that Artie makes let Sam know that he is enjoying himself.  Sam grabs one of Artie’s hands and places it on the back of his head, letting him know that he could control the pace. 

            Artie starts off slowly, but as Sam groans in pleasure, Artie picks up the pace, moving him up and down on his dick. “You feel so good, Sammy, so good,” he murmurs, and Sam wishes that he could tell Artie that he feels just as good, sliding in and out of his throat.  He also makes an internal note to let Artie know that he can be a little rough if he wants; Sam can take it and downright enjoys it most of the time.

            Before long, Artie starts getting louder and louder in his exclamations, and Sam knows that he’s getting close.  He reaches up to fondle his balls to get him over the edge.  When Artie tightens his grip in his hair and starts yelling loudly, Sam knows that he’s only got a few seconds left.  He presses his face against Artie’s belly again and swallows automatically when Artie cums.  There’s more than Sam expected, and he accidentally gags a little bit, eyes watering, but he manages to swallow it all down.  When Artie is soft again, Sam pulls off, making sure to lick his dick clean. 

            Artie is panting when Sam is done, and Sam snuggles against him, looking up at him with a satisfied grin.  “Enjoy yourself?”  Sam certainly did; now that he’s not focused on Artie and his pleasure, he can feel his cock straining against his underwear uncomfortably.

            “Oh man, that was intense.  You are so good at that.  I’m still… Wow,” Artie sounds blown away, and that had been exactly what Sam had been looking for.

            “Good, I’m glad,” Sam says.

            After a few minutes, Artie reaches down and starts jerking Sam off.  Sam thrusts into Artie’s hand, and it doesn’t take long for Sam to finish.  Artie reaches over to grab the wipes and cleans them up. 

            Sam gets up, kisses Artie’s cheek, and then starts fixing them both breakfast.  For Artie, he puts on two of his semifamous pancakes.  While he waits for them to cook, Sam grabs a box of cereal and starts munching a little bit. 

            “You need to put on a pancake or something else for yourself too, Sammy.  We kinda forgot dinner last night,” Artie says lightly.  “Gotta keep your energy up.  I’ve got plans for you.”

            “Oh really, and what plans are those?”  Sam asks, hoping to change the subject.  He’s always forgetting meals, and Artie is always reminding him, even if Sam doesn’t actually want to remember most of the time. 

            “You, spread out naked underneath me, and me showing you something brand new,” Artie says, looking Sam up and down.

            “Brand new?” Sam asks, a little nervous.

            “I thought we could have sex.  Like, anal sex,” Artie replies.

            That’s what Sam had been worried about.  “I don’t think I’m ready for that.  It’s dumb, I know, but-“

            “Stop, Sam.  Your feelings are never dumb.  We’ll wait as long as you want,” Artie says.  “In that case, I still have plans for you.  How do you feel about Star Trek?”

            The pancakes are done, so Sam takes the opportunity to turn away as he has to finish up Artie’s breakfast.  He’s very glad that Artie is so relaxed about Sam not being ready; it makes him feel less stupid about the whole thing.  “Star Trek, I’m good with.”

            Sam brings Artie his breakfast and gets back in bed with him.  They put the show on and settle next to each other.  Every once in a while, Artie feeds him a bite of his pancakes, and Sam eats it.  As they sit together, Sam wonders what it would be like if this was their life.  If they didn’t drift anymore, didn’t fight the monsters that nightmares are made of, and just had relatively normal lives.  He honestly doesn’t know what the two of them would actually do in that world, but he knows that he could enjoy an ordinary life with Artie.

            After a few hours, Sam taps on Artie’s chest a few times to get his attention.  “Can I tell you why I’m not ready yet?”

            “Of course, as long as you don’t call yourself dumb,” Artie replies, pausing the show and kissing the top of Sam’s head.

            “Agreed,” Sam says, tracing shapes on Artie’s chest to distract himself as he talks.  “I’m still a religious guy, you know that,” Artie stills beneath him.  “Don’t worry, this isn’t a weird gay panic thing,” and he feels Artie relax.  “But, it means that I was raised with particular ideas about sex and stuff, like not having sex before marriage…  And I don’t need us to get married, but I’ve gotta know that we go beyond now and beyond this, even though we might never get the chance.” 

            “What do you mean?” Artie asks.

            “We’ve come together in the middle of this big huge war because of an algorithm.  What about if we don’t have to fight anymore?  I need to know we’ll go on,” Sam says, closing his eyes as Artie starts playing with his hair.  “I don’t just want to be with you when we get to copilot, but I want to know we’ll go beyond this, if we get the chance.”

            Artie makes a humming noise as he thinks, and Sam smiles as he feels it reverberate throughout his body.  After a little bit, he starts talking.  “When are you free this week?”

            “The weekend,” Sam replies.  He doesn’t know where Artie is going with this, but Sam’s willing to go with him. 

            “Okay, good,” Artie turns the show back on.

* * *

 

            The week is a long one, and by the end of it, they’ve successfully saved the world twice and they both feel pretty worn down.  Artie has also given him instructions to meet him at the entrance of the shatterdome Friday night at seven, dressed sharply, so, despite how weary he feels, he gets his one nice suit out and fixes his hair in the mirror.

            When he’s looking as good as he can be, Sam makes his way down to their meeting point.  Artie’s nowhere to be found, so Sam starts to fidget.  He still doesn’t know what they’re doing or why Artie wants him dressed up, but he sure hopes it’s good after the week he’s had.

            “Sammy!”  Artie waves energetically in between pushes.  He looks as tired as Sam feels, but he’s also perky.

            “Artie!”  Sam can’t help but smile and wave back, especially since Artie is looking so spiffy in a bright red suit.  “You’re looking good!  What’s the occasion?”

            “I am finally going to do right by you,” Artie says.  “We’re going out of the shatterdome, and we’re going to go on a real date, like real people do.  Like we’ll be able to go on more regularly one day, when this all is over.” 

            They get into the car that Artie has called, and Sam feels himself floating up on cloud nine.  He’s just so stupidly happy over the date and what it means and it hasn’t even really started yet. 

            “And Sammy…” Artie leans over to murmur in Sam’s ear.  “I want you to know that this isn’t to pressure you into sex, or to make you feel obligated; I want you to know that we will go on, though.”

            “I know you’re not pressuring me,” Sam says, kissing Artie chastely, but he’s also pretty sure that unless something terrible happens on the date, this’ll be a date with a happy ending. 

            The restaurant that Artie has chosen for them is elaborate, and Sam feels underdressed, even though he’s dressed as nicely as he can be.  The waiter leads them to an elevator that takes them up to the top floor, and then to a secluded table near a window.  They can see the whole city from up there. 

            “Artie, this is incredible,” Sam’s torn between staring at Artie and at the view.  He rarely gets to enjoy the city.  “How did you arrange this?”

            “I’ve got my ways,” Artie says.  “I know the woman who runs the restaurant.  She owes me.” 

            The waiter returns with their menus and waits for them to decide on their orders.  Sam looks at the prices and raises his eyebrows.  The restaurant is way too expensive.  “Artie...  I think I’m just going to get a salad or something.” Sam is pretty sure that’s the only thing he can afford.

            “Sammy, order whatever you want.  Don’t worry.  Like I said, I have connections,” Artie says.  He places his order, and then Sam does the same, deciding on something heavier. 

            While they wait, a woman settles herself at a harp that Sam hadn’t noticed earlier.  She starts playing and singing softly to a song that Sam doesn’t know, but it sets the mood nicely.  Artie reaches over to take Sam’s hand.  He runs his thumb over Sam’s knuckles and smiles a little dreamily at their conjoined hands.   “If we had met in some different time, where we didn’t have to fight and didn’t have the algorithm to tell us that we could work well, I still think we would have met somehow.  I might have brought you a drink in a bar, or…”  Artie bites his lip for a few seconds.  “I wanted to be a director, before everything.  I could see you as an actor.  Or a stand up comedian.  As a lot of things, and we would run into each other, and we’d hit it off.  We’d go on our first date a lot sooner.  We’d go on a lot of dates.  We’d definitely happen, Sammy.  We always happen.”

            Sam smiles at their intertwined hands.  “We always do happen,” he agrees, bringing Artie’s hand up to kiss it gently.

            Artie uses his other hand to gently caress Sam’s face.  He fiddles with a stray strand of hair.  “We’re gonna need to get you a haircut soon, Sammy boy,” he looks like he’s about to say something else, something important, when the food comes and the moment is broken. 

            They watch the city as they eat, comfortably silent with each other, and every once in a while they squeeze each other’s hand.  The music plays in the background and Sam sways a little as they finish up. 

            “You know what else we need to do?” Sam asks. 

            “What?”  Artie says.

            “We need to slow dance properly,” Sam replies.  They had danced a few times in Artie’s room, but they always ended up running into Artie’s bed.  Here, they would have plenty of space.

            Artie pushes himself away from the table and to the center  of the room.  He spreads his arms so Sam can settle in his lap.  Sam wraps his arms around Artie’s neck, and Artie puts one hand on his waist, with the other on his wheel so he can turn them slowly.  It’s absolutely perfect.

            Until their phones go off.  Since they’re going off in unison, Sam would put money on it being yet another emergency.  Sure enough, a Category III is on its way towards the city, and they need all hands on deck.  Sam’s disappointed that their date is cut short, but he’s reigned that they will always have to do their duty first.  Plus, he does enjoy a good kaiju thrashing.

            Artie calls the car, and it rushes them back.  They change as quickly as possible, and before long, they’re suited up and in their jaeger. 

            _Just wait until we get back to the shatterdome.  We’re gonna make this quick, and then I’m going to let you do whatever you want to me._

**Hmm… I’m going to spread you wide, and then lick and finger you until you’re begging me for something bigger to fill you up.  Sound good?**

Sam had been dirty talked to before; he’d had plenty of guys who wanted him to go further than giving blowjobs.  But it had never done too much for Sam (and it definitely had never gotten him into bed before) until Artie.

            _It is a good thing that these aren’t entirely accurate.  How embarrassing would it be to go into battle with a giant hard on?_

**One day we’re going to have to take one of these out on ‘patrol’ and I’m going to try to make you cum from my thoughts alone.**

_Yes please._

Artie smiles mentally at him and together they push those thoughts away so they can focus on their upcoming fight.  A Category III should be easy enough to dispatch, but getting too cocky could be disastrous, especially after such a long week.

            The kaiju is surprisingly fast, but at least it doesn’t have much in the way of acid to spit at them.  Sam and Artie end up dragging it deep underwater to pin it against the ocean floor while they slowly strangle it.  It’s hard to keep track of where the tail is, so it knocks them around some.  Eventually, though, the monster loses consciousness and then dies completely. 

            They release the body and watch it drift off in the current.

            _I wonder where it’ll end up._

**Somewhere far, far away, hopefully.  Or else someone will snatch it up for research or black market dealing.**

_Black market?_

**Yeah, there’s a black market for kaiju parts.  Some of it is religious, some of it is scientific.  It’s… interesting.**

_I think they all should rot._

**Sammy, the scientists need parts to try to make advances in the fight against the kaiju.  They need to learn so we can do better.**

_I guess.  Have you ever done anything with the black market?_

**Yeah, I have.  Mainly acid pouches.**

_Can you show me sometime?_

**Of course, Sammy boy.**

* * *

 

 

When they get back to the shatterdome and have disembarked, Artie pulls Sam into his lap.  He kisses Sam’s neck as he wheels them back to their room.  Sam is shivering in anticipation of what’s to come.

            He shifts so he can kiss Artie back properly, but before long they realize there’s a flaw in that plan, as Artie needs to be able to see to steer them to their room, instead of into a wall.  Sam grins at Artie instead of kissing him, and runs his hand down Artie’s chest to rub his crotch through his pants.

            “Oh crap, Sammy…”  Artie moans and wines in Sam’s ear.  When Sam undoes Artie’s pants, he gasps loudly.  Sam doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, but he wants to have fun tonight.  He wraps his hand around Artie and strokes.

            “You’re so big,” Sam murmurs.  “You felt good down my throat, and I can’t even imagine how you’ll feel in my ass.”

            They reach their room, and Artie locks the door before pushing Sam into bed.  Sam lands on his back gracefully and waits for Artie to join him.  Artie pulls a few things out of a drawer and sets them to the side before he practically leaps on top of Sam.  He kisses him hard before peeling Sam’s shirt off.  “You can be such a tease, Sammy,” Artie says, leaning down to suck a hickey on Sam’s neck.  “Such a wonderful tease.” 

            Sam moans and pushes up against Artie.  “I think you like it.  A lot,” he murmurs.  He pulls off Artie’s shirt and gets to work on getting rid of both their pants. 

            Once they’re both naked, Artie instructs him to lay back and put his knees up, and Sam obeys.  “If there’s anything that doesn’t feel right, just tell me,” Artie says, kissing the inside of Sam’s thighs a few times.  “There will be some pain, eventually, but you still should be feeling good.”

            Sam nods.  “Okay, Artie.”  He isn’t sure what exactly Artie is going to do, but he’s excited for it as he gently spreads his cheeks.  Artie moves his head lower and Sam gasps as Artie’s tongue circles his asshole.  Slowly, Artie’s tongue moves to enter him.  As Artie begins to thrust into him with his tongue,  Sam can’t keep from swearing loudly.  He’s pretty sure that the people around them will be able to hear him, but he’s also sure that he doesn’t care.

            Honestly, Sam doesn’t know how long Artie keeps licking him, but he’s pretty sure that he could spend the whole night like this, even if his legs are starting to feel sore already.  Artie eventually pulls away and Sam whines.

            “Don’t worry, Sammy,” Artie soothes, reaching over to the stuff he had grabbed earlier.  “I’m not done with you yet.”  He slicks up his fingers and uses one to begin stretching Sam, whose body is tense at the intrusion.  “I need you to relax, okay?  This won’t feel as good if you can’t relax.”

            Sam nods as he tries to catch his breath.  “Okay,” he wills himself to relax, and he succeeds, partially. 

            Artie looks up at his strained face and frowns slightly before kissing and nipping at Sam’s thighs again.  “Just focus on my lips.  Focus on my voice,” he murmurs.  He keeps talking against Sam’s skin, telling Sam how wonderful he is, and how happy he is that they’re together. 

            Sam closes his eyes and obeys.  Artie’s got a soothing voice, and Sam lets it wash over him.  Before he knows it, Artie has slipped another finger inside him and it’s much easier to adjust to the intrusion this time.

            “You’re doing so well, Sammy, just one more finger,” Artie says.  “Plus, I think I’ve found something you’ll enjoy.”

            Before Sam can ask what he’s found, Artie brushes against something that makes Sam scream again.  Pleasure surges through his whole body as Artie keeps brushing over that spot.  He jumps a little as Artie licks precum off his tip.  “So good, Sammy.  So delicious.” 

            The pleasure is intense, but Sam wants more.  He starts trying to fuck himself on Artie’s fingers, but Artie uses his other hand to hold him still.  Sam remembers what Artie told him in the drift, about making him beg.  “Artie, please…” he says softly.   “I need you.  I need your cock inside me so badly.  I bet you’re going to feel so good, even better than you do right now.”  His voice is kind of high pitched and definitely needy and desperate, but Artie seems to love it.  Sam can tell that Artie wants to tease him further, but much to Sam’s relief, he seems done teasing, for now at least.

            Artie sits up and grabs a condom.  Grinning lasciviously at Sam, he rolls it on his hard cock and lubes himself up.  Sam reaches down to help Artie line himself up with Sam’s asshole.  When Sam nods, Artie begins pushing himself inside Sam.  He moves slowly, which Sam appreciates because he didn’t realize how large Artie would be.

            When Artie is completely inside of him, Sam and Artie are at eye level, smiling widely at each other.  “You’re incredible, Artie.  You’re so huge, but you still feel so good inside me.”  He kisses Artie gently. 

            Artie begins thrusting, using his arms to push his whole body back and forth.  Sam runs his hands over Artie’s body, touching his most sensitive areas in order to drive him wild.  It works, and Artie starts thrusting into him faster and faster. 

            Somehow Artie manages to hit that sweet spot inside of him a few more times and before long, they both are cumming hard.  When Artie is done, he practically collapses on Sam and starts laughing.  “You’re so wonderful, Sammy.  So tight and so amazing, my Sammy,”  Artie sounds practically delirious with happiness, and Sam feels the same way, so he snuggles close to Artie and joins in his laughter. 

            “Artie, Artie, Artie,” Sam singsongs.  “You’re wonderful, too.  My incredible Artie.”  He presses his face into Artie’s neck and smiles. 

            Lazily, Artie grabs the wipes to clean them off, throwing away the used condom.  He clings tightly to Sam and lets Sam wrap his arms around him just as tightly.

* * *

 

            It takes a few days, but they finally come up with an excuse to take a jaeger out on a joyride of sorts.  The go out to the ruins of one of the nearby cities so Artie can get Sam hard and orgasming in their brains but away from prying eyes.

            **Do you even know how sexy you are when you’re spread out like that?  All wide and vulnerable for me.**

What’s essentially pornography of the two of them, with a focus on Sam, flashes though his mind, and Sam’s about to reply when he spots something out of the corner of his eye that he can’t quite identify.  It doesn’t sit right with him, so he decides they need to look into it.

            _Artieeeee.  I see something other than the delicious images that you’re sending me._

Artie sighs internally.

            **_We’ll get back to this._**

They go to investigate and there’s nothing there.  The streets are all empty.

            _I’m sorry; I swear I saw something._

Artie doesn’t reply.  He just tilts their heads and Sam sees it.  Her.  There’s a little girl hiding in the wreckage.  Even from their vantage point, they can tell she is terrified.

            **Sammy, if there’s no one else around, chances are the girl is alone.  We can’t just leave her.**

_We can take her back with us.  The marshal will figure out what to do with her._

**Can you get out and go talk to her?   I don’t know if she knows we’re the good guys.  Your winning smile ought to fix that, though.**

Together, they kneel so that they can turn the whole thing off without Artie having to bear the whole neural load.  Sam shimmies out of the grasp of the jaeger and then out of the whole machine.  The girl looks terrified of him, and considering her clothing is in tatters, she looks starved, and she clearly hasn’t had a bath in ages, she probably has every reason to be, but Sam tries to smile reassuringly. 

            “Hey, it’s okay.  I’m Sam, and I’m here to help.  Are your parents around?” he asks.  This whole thing could be a big overreaction on their part.

            The little girl shakes her head.  Sam reaches into his pocket slowly and brings out a granola bar.  “Are you hungry?” 

            This time, she nods and begins cautiously approaching Sam.  He holds out the granola bar, and she snatches it from him before retreating a few steps to unwrap it.  She eats the whole thing quickly, and then looks up at Sam fearfully.  Sam doesn’t know what she’s expecting him to do, so he just clears his throat a little awkwardly.  “My friend is in there,” Sam says, pointing back to the jaeger.  “We can take you somewhere safe, somewhere with food and water.”

            She looks at Sam and at the jaeger before nodding again.  They slowly walk back to the jaeger together.  When Sam lifts her up into the machine, she makes a pained noise.  Hesitantly, she lifts her shirt to show him where her torso has been beaten black and blue.  She shrugs a little before pulling it back down.  Sam is much more careful next time, and they both make it into the jaeger intact.

            “I found her,” Sam tells Artie when they make it into the cockpit.

            “I see that,” he turns to address the little girl.  “Hi there!  I’m Artie!  What’s your name?”

            The girl smiles a little bit and waves at him, but doesn’t answer the question.  She looks around and when she sees Artie’s wheelchair, she settles herself into it, gripping the armrests tightly.

            “I don’t think she talks,” Sam explains to Artie, who looks slightly hurt at having his question ignored.  That clears things up, though, and Artie doesn’t say anything further, not even about the fact that she’s sitting in his wheelchair.  Sam has never seen anyone else sit in Artie’s chair before, not even when Artie is doing repair work that takes him out of the chair and other people are looking for a place to sit.  It always felt like an unspoken rule to Sam that no one else would (and Sam is pretty sure that if it wasn’t a little girl in need of a place to sit, Artie would be giving her a piece of his mind over the whole thing).

            They reconnect themselves to the jaeger once they’re certain she’s settled. 

            _She’s been hurt badly by someone._

Sam can feel a flash of anger from Artie, which only serves to magnify his own.

            **She’s safe, now.  The shatterdome will keep her safe.**

* * *

 

When they reach the shatterdome, the little girl hops out of Artie’s chair and watches curiously as Artie transfers into it.  Artie unlocks his chair, and together the three of them disembark together, the little girl between them. 

            They get some looks as the three of them as they make their way to the bridge, but as everyone has duties to perform, no one approaches them.  Sam is grateful for that, as the little girl looks absolutely terrified again, and he’s worried she’d bolt if someone confronts them. 

            The marshal doesn’t say anything when they approach her, but she gestures them to a private room.  “Are you two picking up strays now?” she asks, looking sternly at the girl.  The little girl squeaks a little and wrapped herself around Sam’s leg.

            “She was alone; there was no one around.  There’s no way that she’d be able to make it on her own,” Sam explains, reflexively running his fingers through her hair to try to comfort her. 

            “There are other kids here,” Artie says, “There’s no reason to turn her away.” 

            “They all have parents in the program,” she replies.  “Are you two her parents now?”

            They exchange looks.  “Please, just let her stay.  What are you going to do?  Toss her out to on her own?” 

            The marshal sighs and nods.  “Take care of it.  Pick up the paperwork and fill it out.”

            The little girl loosens her grip enough so that Sam can move his leg and they can leave together.  They grab the paperwork and go back to their room.  Sam hands her a cereal box and she eats hungrily.  Filling out the paperwork is almost impossible, though, as they know nothing about her.

            “Can you tell us your name?” Artie tries.  The girl shakes her head.  “Can you write it down?” She shakes her head again.

            “We need to call you something.  How do you feel about Lucy?”  She shakes her head, sighing as Sam suggests name after name. 

            “Sam, can you go grab that encyclopedia off the top shelf?”  Artie asks from his desk, where he’s been filling out the paperwork as best as he can. 

            Sam grabs the book and hands it to Artie.  He flips it open to the botany section and goes over to the girl.  “Pick the prettiest flower, and if you like it, we can call you that, okay?”  She nods and eagerly goes to work, flipping through the pages.  After a few minutes, she points to one and holds it up to Artie.

            “Zinnia?”  Artie says, trying it out.  She nods, and so does Sam.  “Zinnia it is, then!”  He writes it down on the paperwork.

            Sam peers over his shoulder and see that much of the paperwork is blank, but there’s not much either of them can do about that, especially since Zinnia won’t talk.  A lot of records have been destroyed, though, so most people’s records are incomplete anyway.

             Zinnia yawns as she looks around the room, and eventually she lays on the floor and closes her eyes, still holding her cereal box. 

            “Hey, you don’t have to sleep on the floor,” Artie says, leaning over to nudge her a little bit.  “Sam and I will take the floor tonight, and tomorrow we’ll take you to your new home, okay?” 

            Sam changes the sheets before Artie can suggest it.  Their sex life is pretty active, and they tend to get messy.  While he works, Artie grabs a washcloth and cleans off the worst of the dirt.

            Zinnia looks at them sadly as she climbs into bed, still clutching the cereal box.  Sam wonders if they should get her some clothes or bathe her properly or get her looked at by the doctor or something before letting her sleep, but before he can ask Artie, she’s asleep and Sam doesn’t want to wake her up. 

            Artie tugs at Sam until he’s settled in Artie’s lap.  “I hope someone nice takes her in,” Artie says sadly as he rubs Sam’s back.

            “We could,” Sam whispers.

            Artie kisses his cheek.  “We couldn’t even get through dinner last week without getting interrupted by kaiju.  And if…”  Artie swallows hard.  “Her life has probably been chaotic enough without that.”

            “You’re right,” Sam said reluctantly.  “We should sleep.”  A wave of tiredness and sadness sweeps over him. 

            “Okay, Sammy,” Artie says.  Together, they lay out the extra blankets and sheets on the floor to make a nest for themselves.  Artie wraps his arms around Sam, and Sam pushes himself back against Artie’s chest.  It’s an uncomfortable night, and Sam can feel that they’re both sad.

* * *

 

            In the morning, when Sam wakes up, Zinnia is peering over the edge of the bed at them.  Sam nudges Artie awake too, but he moans and swats his hand away.  It makes Sam laugh, so he gets up and gets started on breakfast.

            “Sorry, he’s not into mornings,” Sam tells her as he starts making waffles for all three of them.  “Do you like waffles?”  Zinnia nods and smiles shyly.  “There’s a shower in the other room if you want to clean up.  We don’t have any little girl’s clothing, but you could probably wear one of our shirts as a dress.”

            She seems to consider it.  When Sam hands her one of his longer shirts, she examines it critically.  It seems to pass whatever inspection she gave it, as she steps off the bed.  Carefully she walks around Artie and into the bathroom. 

            The door locks behind her, and Sam hears her dragging something around before she turns on the water.  Sam nudges Artie again while he waits for either the waffles to be done or for Zinnia to get out of the shower. 

            Twenty minutes later, the three of them are sitting on the floor together, eating waffles together.  Sam and Artie chat with her, and even though she doesn’t talk back, she still interacts with them by making faces at them in reply to what they say.  As it turns out, she likes it when they sing old songs to her.

            When they’ve finished their food, Artie does the dishes while Sam tries to explain to Zinnia what’s going to happen next.  “Soon, we’re going to take you somewhere where you’ll be able to make new friends, and find a new family.  The people there will take very good care of you so you can feel better soon.  No one will hurt you.”

            Zinnia doesn’t seem to register what Sam’s saying.  Instead, she points at the refrigerator.  Sam opens it for her, and when she points to the milk, he pours her a glass.  A half hour later, she’s still sipping on the milk.  Sam and Artie exchange looks.  By now, they can have whole conversations without talking, even without the drift.  They both realize that Zinnia is stalling for time.

            There’s only so long you can drink a glass of milk, however, and when she’s done, they gather her up to bring her down to the children’s area.  She dashes back into their room quickly, grabs the cereal box from last night, and then dashes back out the door.  She shoots them both an apologetic look, and of course, they can’t find it in itself themselves to even think about scolding her.

            When they reach the children’s area, the woman in charge is expecting them.  Artie explains to her about Zinnia’s mutenss while Sam kneels down to talk to Zinnia.  “You’re such a good girl, okay?  They’re all going to love you here.”  She just stares at him. 

            Artie looks at him uncertainly when he’s done talking to the woman in charge.  He turns to Zinnia to say goodbye.  “The both of us really like you.  You’re a sweet little girl.  If things were different… but they’ll take care of you here.  I promise.”

            They reluctantly turn away from Zinnia; they both have to work today, and Sam is glad about that.  When he sneaks a peak back at her, the woman is gently pulling her into the children’s area properly. 

* * *

 

            Artie and Sam work in different parts of the shatterdome when they’re not in their jaeger, so Sam doesn’t know how Artie feels.  As far as Sam, he feels sad and regretful all day.  He wonders how she’s settling in, how many friends she’s made.

            When he gets back to their room, Artie is already there, laying on their bed and reading a journal.  Sam kicks off his shoes and joins Artie on the bed.

            “Reading anything good?” Sam asks, setting his head on Artie’s abdomen.

            “It’s on the drift.  It’s possible to link three people already, and they’re considering increasing the number of people involved in one drift,” Artie explains.

            “I just wanna drift you and me no matter how many minds they figure out how to link up, okay?” Sam asks.

            Artie sets the journal aside and runs his fingers through Sam’s hair.  “Of course, Sammy.  Just you and me,” Artie says. 

            Sam closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Artie breathing.  He falls asleep, only stirring when Artie nudges him a little bit.  Still sleepy, he blinks up at Artie. “Hey, cutie Artie pie,” he touches Artie’s face.  “How’re you?” 

            Artie holds Sam’s hand and kisses the palm.  “Not so great, Sammy boy.” 

            Not what Sam likes to hear.  “Aw, Artie.  Tell Sammy everything.”

            “I got a call,” Artie says.

            “From who?”  Sam is concerned, even though his sleepiness prevents him fully engaging with what Artie is saying.  “Sammy’s here.”

            “She’s not settling in well yet,” Artie says quietly.  “She’s different and they don’t like her because she doesn’t say anything.”

            That wakes Sam up.  “Is she okay?”

            “So far, yesish…” Artie sighs deeply and Sam can hear the heartbreak in his voice.  His thoughts flash back quickly to the memories of Artie’s isolated childhood he has.  This has to be touching a nerve.  “But she’s got to feel so alone, Sammy boy.”

            Sam knows that if he pushes now, he could convince Artie to bring her back.  Heck, under the circumstances, he could probably get a formal adoption through before Artie even thought to object.  But Sam can’t take advantage of Artie when he’s feeling vulnerable.  “She’ll find people,” Sam reassures him, running his fingers across Artie’s jaw.  Artie leans down and kisses him tenderly.

* * *

 

            For a few days, they don’t hear anything about her.  “I think it’s a good sign,” Artie says quietly one morning before they get up.  “If they don’t have anything to say, that’s a good thing, right?” 

            Sam nods.  “Yep.  It may have been a bumpy start, but I‘m sure that now she’s got plenty of friends.”

            That night, when Sam returns to their room, he finds Artie laying on the floor, with his head under the bed.  “It’s going to be okay, just please come out now.”  When Sam clears his throat, Artie jumps, banging his head on the bedframe.  Artie pushes himself out from under the bed and sits up, rubbing his head.  “ _Ow._ ” Artie sounds surly.

            “Why are you poking around under the bed?” Sam asks.

            Artie sighs and crooks his finger at Sam.  “We’ve got a guest.” 

            With a sinking feeling, Sam crouches and, sure enough, Zinnia is curled up under the bed.  “Will you come out?”  She shakes her head.

            “I think we’re gonna have to wait it out.  She’s probably going to have to come out sometime, right?”  Artie asks.

            “Yeah, I guess,” Sam says. It’s a better idea than dragging her out.

            “I’ll cook tonight,” Artie volunteers.  Sam knows that that means sandwiches and chips most likely, but Sam honestly doesn’t feel like anything heavier anyway. 

            Artie gets to work while Sam watches him, still sitting on the floor.  They try to make idle chitchat about their day, but clearly neither of them are feeling it.  When Artie is done with the food, Sam settles in at their tiny table to eat.  Both of them keep their eyes trained on the bed.  They continue to go about their nightly routine as best as they can, waiting for the little girl to make another appearance.

            Eventually, Zinnia inches her way out from under the bed.  She sits at the table with them to eat from the plate that Artie left out for her.  Sam and Artie give each other looks, and they both decide that Artie will approach her while Sam settles in front of the bed again in case she tries to retreat.

            “Are you feeling better?” Artie asks her as she eats.  Zinnia nods.  “Were the kids mean to you?  Is that why you ran away?”  She just shrugs a little bit.  “You know you’re going to have to go back, right?”  At that, she jumps up and bolts from her chair, making a beeline for the bed again. 

            Sam grabs her before she can quite make it and holds her tightly, even as she starts twisting and hitting at him to get away.  Artie settles in next to them and does his best to rub her back when she calms down a little bit. 

            Eventually, she’s cuddled up between the two of them, and Sam throws Artie a look.  How can they possibly send her away?  Before Artie gets the chance to reply, the phone goes off.


	2. Original ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major character death

Artie picks it up and listens, furrowing his brow.  “We have to go, Sammy.  Category IV.  They need all hands on deck.”

            Sam realizes that nothing could demonstrate Artie’s point about how they couldn’t provide a proper environment for a small child than them having to dash off in the middle of a discussion like that.  He nods at Artie and turns back to Zinnia.  “We’ve got to go now.  We’ll be back.  I promise, and then we’ll figure out what to do.” 

            Zinnia looks sadly at the both of them, but gives them both hugs, climbing up into Artie’s lap to give him his properly.  Artie leaves food out for her, and then they have to leave.

            “I know, Sammy,” Artie says, as they make their way down to the ready room as quickly as possible.

            They change in silence, and get into their jaeger, slipping into the drift easily even though both of them are full of turmoil.

            **I wish, Sammy, but things like tonight will happen again and again.  We shouldn’t even have left her there alone tonight.**

_Maybe we should suggest they settle her somewhere further away from us.  So she can’t come back._

Artie nods at him internally and they get ready.

            The kaiju is large and fast, a terrible combination to fight.  Their jaeger is slowly getting torn apart, as the kaiju comes back for attack after attack.

            **I can’t pin it down.  This fucker is too fast**

_We’ve just got to be patient._

**We’re missing an arm and leg and I can see out of my chest; if we’re patient, we’re gonna both be dead.**

Sam can feel what Artie is planning, but he isn’t fast enough to stop him.  Artie turns their body so that Artie is between Sam and the kaiju.  When it nears them, Artie raises his arm (and rocket launcher), and launches everything he’s got at it.

            It explodes.  Normally, Artie would be safe, but with the gaping hole in the jaeger, the acid and searing heat enters the cockpit.  Sam realizes that somehow the escape pod has encased him without him pushing the button.  It must be one of the custom upgrades that Artie installed by himself. 

            It hasn’t had time to disengage him from the neural link, however, so he can feel as the acid begins to eat into Artie’s skin.  Artie is screaming in his head, and Sam knows he will never forget what it feels like.  He can’t bear to turn his head to watch Artie die.

            **It doesn’t hurt anymore, Sammy.**

_Please, you’ve gotta stay with me.  Just hold on._

Sam is jamming his finger on the button for Artie’s emergency escape pod, but it won’t engage.

            **I love you, Sammy.  I’m a coward so I couldn’t say it before.  But I do.  I have for a long time. I love you so much.**

_You can’t go, you can’t. Artie, please…_

The pod disengages him from the drift, and Sam realizes too late that he never told Artie that he loved him too.  Sam desperately claws at the seam of the escape pod.  He knows that he could pull Artie back into the pod if he only had a little bit of time. 

            Even when the pod launches, Sam still tries to open it so he can pull Artie inside.  He catches sight of Artie as he exits, though, and he realizes that there’s hardly anything left to save.  There’s nothing Sam can do other than close his eyes and wait for them to pull him out of the water. 

* * *

 

            No one looks at Sam as he trudges to the showers.  He doesn’t even know what he’s feeling.  He takes his shower so hot that it’s burning; Artie always preferred hot showers to cold.  Once they started showering together, Sam came to love hot showers too.

            Even as he tries to focus solely on the sound of water hitting the shower wall, he can still hear the sound of Artie’s scream in his head above it all.  And how fucking unfair is that?  He’s heard Artie laugh in his head.  He’s heard him giggle and smile and scrunch up his face and so many things that Sam always loved to hear and feel.  And Sam is left with the sound of him dying.

            He reluctantly turns the shower off and gets dressed.  Everything feels mechanical.  Which is funny since he’s not in a machine for once.  A strangled laugh works its way out of him before he shuts it down.

            While he technically still has his quarters that are separate from Artie’s, Sam automatically goes to his.  When he opens the door, he sees Zinnia curled up on their bed.  His heart sinks.  Sam had totally forgotten about her. 

            Her eyes open and she frowns as she takes in his disheveled appearance.  Sam sits down as she gets up.  She walks over to the door and looks both ways down the hallway before closing it.  Looking back to Sam, she imitates Artie pushing himself and then cocks her head like she’s asking a question. 

            “Artie is, um,” Sam tries to figure out how to tell her.  He can feel himself about to cry.  “He’s… I can’t say it, please don’t make me say it.”

            She nods and places her hand on his shoulder.  He shrugs her off and gets into bed.  Under other circumstances, he would let Zinnia take the bed, but he needs the smell of Artie.  The whole room smells like him, but when he curls up in their bed and presses his face to Artie’s pillow, that’s all Sam can smell.

            Sam closes his eyes and hopes that sleep will come.  Maybe he’ll be able to see Artie there.  Or, even better, maybe he’ll wake up.  Maybe today was a nightmare and he would wake up crying.  Artie would hold him closely and kiss his forehead.  He would mutter soothing words in his ear until Sam quieted.  Then, Artie would shift them so Sam’s head would be on Artie’s chest so Sam could listen to his heart beat until he managed to fall asleep again.

            That doesn’t happen.  Sam lays with his face buried in Artie’s pillow all night, shaking and crying silently.  The scream echoes through his head. 

            Sam doesn’t want to get up in the morning.  Not to eat.  Not to shower.  Nothing.

            But there’s still a little girl living in his room, and she needs to eat.  So Sam gets up and makes her a sandwich.  She refuses to eat hers until he makes himself something, too.  They sit in silence for a very long time.

            “I can’t promise I’m going to be a good father,” Sam says, his voice strained.  “Not by myslf.  I can promise that I won’t make fun of you.  I can promise you food and water.  Some kind of kindness.”  There’s probably more that  he should say, but he doesn’t know what that is.

            Zinnia nods.  Sam calls for a cot to be brought to their room.  If he was a better man, he would be the one who takes the cot, but he wants to be where Artie should be.

* * *

 

            The funeral is a nightmare.  Words haven’t generally been Sam’s strong suit, and with Artie, he’s hardly had to articulate his feelings in words.  But he has to get up and speak anyway.

            “I honestly have no clue how to begin to explain what kind of person Artie was, so I’m gonna tell you a story about him instead.  It doesn’t seem like much, but it’s the exact moment I fell in love with him,”  Sam has to clear his throat and push back the tears before starting to speak again. 

            “The two of us started living together months ago.  We never really talked about it; it just happened.  One morning, he was sleeping in late for once- and you have to understand that that was a rarity- when he woke up he was still so sleepy.  He turned around to face me and he rattled off some complicated equation that I had no idea what it meant.  I just ran my fingers through his hair and told him to go back to sleep.  He shook his head and told me that it was really important that I know those numbers.  I nodded and told him that I’d remember them.  Then he told me that he went back through the base code of the dirft, and that those numbers were our numbers.  I’m not totally sure what he meant, but it was then that I knew I loved him and that I could never stop.  Because he was someone who wanted to know as much as he could, but he was always did it in a way that was special, that I don’t think anyone else would ever think of.  Because he was so damn special.” Sam can’t go on, so he steps down and lets someone else talk.  He still feels the screaming in his head, but after recounting his story, he thinks he can feel a little bit of Artie’s love too.  Sam clings to it and hopes that it’ll be enough.


	3. Fluff ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone gets a happily ever after

Artie has a short conversation with the person on the end of the line, ending with, “Okay, we’ll be there tomorrow.”  He hangs up the phone.

            “Everything okay?  You look concerned,” Sam asks.           

            “We’re to report to med bay tomorrow.  I don’t know why, but they said it was important,” Artie says, getting back on the floor with them. 

            Artie starts playing a hand game with Zinnia while Sam watches.  He hopes that it isn’t anything too urgent, but he knows that even if it is something bad, they’ll be able to cope somehow.  The one thing they don’t know how to cope with is Zinnia.  Sending her back to somewhere where people are mean to her isn’t right, but neither is taking her in, under the circumstances.

            They shoot each other looks, and they decide to put it off for another day.  Maybe they can talk to someone in charge, and they’ll be able to come up with a better solution.  So Artie and Sam spend another night on the floor.

            The next day, they leave early for the med bay, making sure to leave food for Zinnia to eat if she gets hungry.  Sam is pretty sure that’s not what you’re supposed to do with a kid, but it’s the best they’ve got under the circumstances. 

* * *

 

            When they reach the med bay, the doctor sits down with them in a private room.

            “The long term effects of jaeger use haven’t been well known, but looking at your last test results, we’ve found some troubling things,” the doctor says.

            “What kind of troubling things?” Artie asks, sounding very composed, which is the opposite of how Sam is feeling.  He’s concerned that it could be something serious, even deadly.

            “Your brain scans have changed significantly.  This isn’t altogether unexpected, considering the nature of jaeger technology, but the changes are more drastic than we thought they would be,” she explains.

            “Do we need to be concerned?”  Artie asks.

            “Not yet, no.  But comparing your scans to Sam’s, we’re concerned about where things could progress to if this isn’t addressed soon,” the doctor says. 

            Sam can tell that Artie is more concerned than he’s letting on, so he reaches under the table to squeeze his hand reassuringly.  Artie shoots him a grateful look. 

            “How should we address it?”  Artie asks.

            “First off, no more drifting, at least for you, Artie.  Sam still has some time before things progress to the point where you are.  That may be all we can do, but nothing seems to be too seriously damaged.  You may experience some dizziness or difficulty choosing words, especially as you grow older, but those are most likely the most severe symptoms you will encounter.  Sam, you’re even less likely to have symptoms at all,” she explains.

            “If I’m done with drifting, so are you,” Artie tells Sam. 

            “That isn’t fair!  I can still fight.  Drifting with someone else isn’t going to change anything between us,” Sam says.

            Artie rolls his eyes a little bit.  “I’m not worried about you running off with some new copilot and forgetting about me.  I know that you won’t want to stop fighting, even when it starts getting dangerous for your brain,” Artie says, “because you’re a big damn hero.  But since it’s my health on the line too, you’ll stop.  So we can keep fighting, if you want, but we’re doing it together.”

            That makes a little more sense to Sam, and he sighs.  “Okay, we retire together.  You can take us off the roster,” Sam tells the doctor.

            Artie smiles in relief at him, and after a short discussion with the doctor, the leave.

            “You know what this means, right?” Artie asks as they move down the hall.

            “Yeah… I do,” Sam says, smiling widely.  “I don’t mind retirement as much as I thought I would now.”

            “Do you want to tell her, or should I?” Artie asks.

            “I think we can manage to do it together,” Sam replies, still feeling his excitement grow.

            “You’ve always been a smart one,” Artie says, reaching up to briefly to squeeze his hand.  They keep going in silence for a few minutes, but then Artie interrupts the silence.  “Sam… we’re gonna have a child.  We’re gonna have a family.  Oh god, what if I’m a bad parent?  What if we mess her up badly and she ends up making a lot of bad choices and-“

            Sam interrupts him by blocking his path and squatting down to his level.  He takes Artie’s hands in his.  “You’re going to be a wonderful parent, Artie.  Absolutely wonderful.  There’s no doubt about that,” Sam tells him. 

            Artie smiles at him, and Sam thinks it’s the biggest and brightest smile he has ever seen.  “I love you, Sammy.  I really do.  I should have told you earlier, but I was scared, but I can’t keep quiet anymore.”

            Those are words that Sam has been eager and fearful to hear ever since he and Artie became… whatever it is they are.  “I know.”

            At that, Artie bursts out laughing and pulls him into his lap.  “Did you really just Star Wars me?”

            “Of course,” Sam kisses Artie’s cheek.  “And I love you too.”

            “This is gonna be a good life, Sammy,” Artie tells him.

            And it is.         

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder that the next chapter contains angst and major character death and that chapter three is filled with sunshine


End file.
